Saturday, 19 June 2010

Sticks and stones

Nah then.

Busy times for the Union again as members continue to bring shame to themselves and the fine name of this Union.

First up though, a bit of praise. We actually missed this one from the last report but full kudos to Hull (West) member Mr O'Meley for taking out some poncey hooker with a huge hit. Also Mr O'Meley continues to set footwear standards for the membership and we wish him a speedy recovery from his recent injury.

Onto business.

We'd like to welcome our youngest member into the fray so far, a whippersnapper from the London chapter by the name of Olsi Krasniqi. He's only 17 year old this lad but the Hon Treasurer must have had a weak moment when it was decided only to charge him at a concessionary rate for the subs until he turns 18. A pity though, he's blotted the copybook already by scoring a try on debut and wearing some dodgy blue and white boot combination. Thankfully, Kylie Leuluai (Leeds) straightened the poor bugger out at the weekend on behalf on the committee with an absolute monster hit which left the poor lad winded and being dragged off a couple of moments later. The committee wish to place on record their thanks for Mr Leuluai on his actions in this case.

The Wakefield problem seems to be getting worse and worse. After receiving registration papers for Charles Leaeno he immediately breached Union guidelines on debut by sporting a pair of white boots. Although we don't really care what non-members wear it was a disturbing sight to see 15 out of the 17 Wakefield players on show sporting non-black boots. The influence of Messers King, Moore and Korkidas in that club is beginning to show. Also Stuart Fielden (Wigan) was spotted in white boots during the same game, disappointing that such an experienced member of this fine Union has now taken this line.

Benjamin Harrison (Warrington) was spotted wearing inappropriate footwear last week during their game against Hull KR. For gods sake lad, you were on the telly and you ain't going to get away with it. Then again, Joel Clinton (Hull (East)) disgraced himself by not just wearing that poncey white and blue boot combination but actually kicking the ball as well.

David Ferriol (Perpignan) and Brendan Rawlins (Keighley) are also up on ball-kicking charges. Thanks to @StealthComic on that Twitter for grassing up the latter who committed two offences in the same game.

There was some prop-on-prop action between members of the Huddersfield and Bradford chapters. Nicholas Scruton smashed Keith Mason with a ferocious hit in the game at the Odsal Superdome. Mr Mason wanted to chat about it afterwards. Words are nothing son. Use your fists.

That's all for now. We'll have our spies out and about this weekend, but if you see anything untoward or praiseworthy, let us know on here or on the Chairman's Twitter.

Monday, 7 June 2010

Recognition from Fleet Street

Now then. Lots to do, so let's crack on.

The Leeds v Wakefield game was particularly disturbing. Leeds named Ian Kirke at prop without proper clearance, fees or registration documents. In play, Greg Eastwood also stuck his head in where it wasn't warranted and, more disturbingly, one of our spotters seems to think Paul Johnson did likewise for Wakefield. Video evidence wasn't conclusive, but the consequences of having a man formerly named international BACK of the year putting his head in the space reserved for membership would of course be dire. The case continues.

Joel Clinton, step forward for a ritual humiliation. Started on by a cheeky half-back - a cheeky French half-back in fact, which probably makes it worse - Mr Clinton summarily failed to lamp him. For shame. Hang your head. A stiff breeze looks like it'd blow Tony Gigot over, yet Mr Clinton couldn't/wouldn't.

James Graham, on the other hand, gets only praise rather than brickbats. His clash of heads a couple of weeks ago with Clint Newton - a second rower masquerading as a fancy-dan centre - saw only one of them staggering about like Bambi on ice, and it wasn't the ginger scouser. A good prop needs a solid melon and Mr Graham certainly has that.

Needless to say, boots remain a top priority, but we're going for a different tack. Instead of the stick, we'll use a carrot and praise those who didn't transgress. Jérome Guisset's were splendid, joining the list of veterans who are leading the way on this issue while Nick Scruton is giving the youngsters a good name. Unlike, that is, the following list of offenders and transgressors:
Jamie Peacock
Liam Higgins
Eorl Crabtree
Serial offender Craig Huby
Andy Raleigh
Ryan Bailey
David Ferriol
Ewan Dowes
Rémi Casty
Stuart Fielden
Mitchell Sargent
Louie McCarthy-Scarsbrook

Luke Burgess failed to heed warnings and got injured whilst wearing a pair of white boots. If that doesn't teach the lad, what will?

The McCarthy-Scarsbrook case saw a point raised on that there Twitter by none other than Angela Powers of Sky Sports fame. "Being a cockney, is there a special dispensation?" she asks. Well I think we all know the answer to that: is there buggery. White footwear might look the part when you're dressed as a pearly king and doing the Lambeth Walk, perhaps even whilst having a banana, but it's not suitable for packing down in the front row.

Finally, when we heard that the Times had taken an interest, we assumed the South Yorkshire Times had got wind of things following the excoriation (thank you, word of the day toilet paper) of Mitchell Stringer a few weeks ago, but no. The actual Times carried a piece by Chris Irvine in praise of the union. Thanking you kindly young sir. Your support is appreciated.