Kicking Around

Now then

Much to report after a busy couple of weeks for the membership.

We start in the Championship where Steven Pickersgill was severely reprimanded after a Grade 2 "kicking the football" offence in the recent fixture against Toulouse. Look lad, you can't go round doing stuff like that if you want your chance with the bigger lads next year in Super Duper League and with TV cameras present as well

If it weren't bad enough for Craig Huby and his broken kneecap, he wasn't over impressed being hauled up to PFU Towers to explain the arrival of a white booted Martin Aspinwall sticking his melon in the front row of the scrum during the recent game against Leeds. Huby, god bless him, twanged the heart strings of a few of the committee members by tipping up with his less than three week old son with him to the meeting, claiming the wife was busy entertaining his daughter and he was a "modern parent". A clever ploy by Mr Huby but the Chairman still has his heart of stone and a reprimand was issued to the club as a whole.


Big Eorl at Huddersfield caused consternation t'other day by posting his new boots on his twitter account for one and all to see.

These boots are not acceptable lad. Bring tha cheque book, oh and a pen as well.

We also apologise for printing this picture and we acknowledge the author of this picture and his intellectual (er) rights

And, to boot we also think you should volunteer to be the new Back to Black ambassador as a punishment

Richard Moore heaps more disgrace on himself and the good folk of North Wales after his disgraceful antics at Headingley t'other Saturday Not satisfied after getting a ban after being clouted by some full back t'other Monday his left footed bomb and subsequent chase were clearly seen by one and all on NATIONAL FREE TO AIR Television. What the hell are you thinking lad?

Down in sunny Wakefield, with the antics of Kyle Amor running across the line, showing and going and running through gaps to score has gone down like the proverbial lead balloon. Granted it was against lower clash opposition but Mr Amor has been sent a warning letter reminding him of his duties towards the Union and we expect his conduct to improve in the near future.

The committee were saddened by the decision to charge Nathan Brown over comments made after the Leeds v Huddersfield game with regards to letting his big blokes look after the little ones. The prospect of seeing members going mano a mano on the meadow have now been dashed for some time to come.

We were saddened to hear the news from Australia about former member Sam Burgess being knocked out for the rest of the year with a bad injury and the committee would like to wish the lad a speedy recovery and we hope to see him back on the paddock soon rather than filling up the twitter feed of the Chairman. Maybe he can remind his younger brother, Thomas, about this try scoring lark and maybe look to the effort of Frank Watene as inspiration.

Now we like Louie McCarthy-Scarsbrook, despite him being a Southerner and all that. He needs to clean up his act big time, the language he uses on his twitter account made the Hon Secretary's eyes water so much there's a kleenex shortage at the Towers. He needs to learn the act of banter as well, because at the moment he's an expert in shanter. (thanks @GavWilson ) He also needs to learn not to mess with Nicholas Scruton, who put him quickly back in his place with an eloquent put down.

The PFU advice line somehow opened via our twitter account this week, we had an enquiry from @Craig311981

"I need help, my son isn't a prop, he is 7, I've just bought him blue and white boots, with pink stripes, where do I pay the fine"

Apparently this @craig311981 is a prop forward encouraging his lad not to follow union guidelines. He was taking liberties until he explained that his offspring was happy hiding in the back. Toughen the lad up and make sure he follows in your boots.

We're more than happy to help anyone who gets in touch on the twitter, just don't be offended by the reply.

Thanks again to this weeks dobbers and dabbers, @Kevbateman, @MatthewAHorton @petevickers @atomictrain @jourdmart @RobNixon586 @neilbarraclough @andywiz @garrylad

Oh, and we'd like to plug the fund raising barbecue at Odsal on't 3rd July for the Floods and Earthquake victims. ISC have sponsored it and there is a Barby, beer and some Touch Rugby competition. To get a team in that, contact friend of the Union Ricky Wilby on 07598 564996 or follow him on twitter at @RickyWilby or @scratchingshed2 for more information about the do,

Union laughing stock

Not this union, you understand, the other one. Rugby union. Yes, it comes as a shock to us all that they can make themselves look more foolish than anyone thought possible, but they've done it. It's farewell from the PFU to Willie Mason (Hull East) after a farcical time in England with Hull KR playing the rulebook like a finely tuned piano. Having given up on attempting to get him a Tongan passport, he's now off to play the fifteen-man game in France where he'll be deployed as a fancy-dan centre. Yes, that's right. Willie Mason - THE Willie Mason - a fancy-dan centre. Beggars belief doesn't it. There is no word yet whether Rovers will be retaining the huge pile of unsold 'Mason 23' jerseys in anticipation of a move to sign Huddersfield's Keith for next season.

Easter is always a busy period and that's no different at PFU headquarters. We had Paul Wood and Garreth Carvell (Warrington) reported to us for potential try-scoring breaches against Salford on Good Friday, but Carvell's was well within guidelines while Wood's may normally have incurred a fine, he successfully used the "but Salford were utter rubbish" defence. Moreover, we caught sight of this picture on Twitter of him doing sterling work on the union's behalf, so how could we be anything other than lenient.

Paul Johnson (Wakefield) continues to blot his copybook with fancy footwear and a 30-metre try against Castleford. He should learn from Andy Coley (Wigan) who went on a similar run, realised his mistake and knocked-on over the line against Wakefield on the Monday.

Disturbing scenes at the Odsal Superdome on the Thursday where an entire scrum packed down in white boots. Even Andy Lynch - not normally the rebellious type - succumbed to temptation and we'll be calling in the Bradford and Leeds shop stewards for a cup of tea and a chat. Lynch was also reported for his try in that game, but a review of the available footage showed he was OK.

Karl Temata's (London West) try against Hull KR, also on Monday, was reported to us. He broke the line 10 metres out and went over unopposed, but his flapping mullet was taken into account when deciding no further action would be taken. It's not been a vintage year for Richard Moore (Wales North) who is rapidly becoming the worst offender. Whilst wearing white boots against Leeds on Monday, he was also chinned by a full-back. Yes, he got his retaliation in afterwards, but is the motto of this fine union not (among other things) Thou Shalt Get Thy Retaliation In First Lad. Meanwhile on Tuesday, there was precious little going on at Huddersfield where Nathan Brown has yet to follow through on his threats to call open season between the big lads. Get on with it lad.

More Twitter nonsense from the disgraceful Luke Burgess (Leeds) who revealed he was getting waxed. Apparently, that hurts, so we feel obliged to add to the pain by stinging him with a fine. Cough up, young 'un.

Finally, best wishes to reformed character Craig Huby (Castleford). A broken kneecap is a bloody horrible injury and everyone at HQ wishes him a speedy and successful recovery.


Thanks to this week's spotters, namely @W_L_Andy, @andywiz, @MatthewAHorton, @atomictrain, @whatmichaelsays and @exiledwool. Keep up the good work and let us know what you see when you're out and about.

Hard or vindictive and a Vivienne Westwood bag

Lots of business to catch up on this week with some highly contentious talking points.

The big one of course is the stink kicked up by Jeff Lima's (Wigan) attack on a vulnerable Chris Clarkson. We can't condone this. Our representative in the stands didn't like it at the time and repeat viewings of the footage doesn't make it look any better. We're all for playing the game hard and not standing for any nonsense, but there's a line and Lima crossed it. There was nothing to be gained by his intervention other than potentially putting the career of a young opponent in jeopardy when said opponent could do nothing about it. It's not big and it's not clever. If Lima has a beef with Mr Clarkson, then there's an appropriate way to deal with it, much like Ben Cross (Leeds) did in the immediate aftermath. It was good work from the big Australian to step in, issue some summary justice and calm it all down. Severe reprimand for Lima, commendation for Cross.

Garreth Carvell (Warrington) may also have crossed a bit of a line when he walloped cheeky Perpignan half-back Scott Dureau late, high and off the ball. At first, it looked like Dureau was seriously hurt, but after a night in hospital he's OK. It's all part of a growing trend. We all like a bit of roughness, but you've got to respect your opponent. Cheap shots do no favours to you or the union. Consider this a general warning.

David Ferriol (Perpignan) is in bother for first flinging a cut-out pass for a try and later going on a weaving, side-stepping 30 metre charge for a quite spectacular try at Warrington. You wouldn't catch Brendan Hill doing that and so the appropriate fine is issued. Currency to depend on where we collect. Congratulations to his team-mate Rémi Casty though, a feisty young character we've had our eye on for a while. He made his 100th appearance for his club last week.

Other try-scorers this week were Ray Cashmere (Salford) and Louie McCarthy-Scarsbrook (Tellins). Cashmere's was raised to us by @CuppaBrew on twitter who says "Not sure if it breaches union rules". It doesn't young man, but you're quite right to be vigilant. McCarthy-Scarsbrook got two, but neither was from more than a few inches, so no case to answer there either.

Boots next. We've been enjoying Nick Fozzard (Castleford) on Twitter, but being amusing is not an acceptable defence for yellow boots. Fellow veteran Karl Temata (London), on the other hand, is to be commended for both his black boots and his burgeoning mullet which wouldn't look out of place on an Australian sheep farm.

At the Castleford v Wales North game the other week, we were alerted by Nevchenko5 to an incident which saw an all-in brawl that saw three backs sent to the sin bin. Where were the membership? Video evidence wasn't conclusive, but we've called both shop stewards in to the office to find out what went on. While we're on the subject of Castleford, we hear that Craig Huby had a lovely evening at Disney on Ice. Hope you're proud of yourself, young man.

Finally, the most heinous crime of the week, month - maybe ever. We're indebted to @garrylad for his inside info on this one and it concerns serial offender Richard Moore (Wales North). His boots offences are racking up at a Huby-esque rate, but he's really blotted his copybook with this one. He was spotted leaving the dressing rooms at Salford proudly clutching a pink Vivienne Westwood bag. We had to look this Westwood character up and it turns out she's nowt to do with Warrington's Ben, not that that would have helped Mr Moore in his defence. Big fine and a letter advising him to future conduct. Also, we've called in his shop steward for a talking to.

Before we sign off, a quick hello to the new visitors who found us via our new best mate Andy Wilson's latest Guardian blog. Welcome aboard and help keep us up to date with the various shenanigans of the membership on here and the Chairman's Twitter.

A question of fitness

Another week with our ethics committee pouring over yarns of videotape to sort out the good from the bad from the fine-able. One of these days we'll swap the old Betamax for one of these VDs we keep hearing so much about. Anyway, to business and you lot out there have been busy in keeping us informed from around the grounds.

James Graham (Tellins) scored a try in his club's home defeat to London at the weekend and we were alerted by @CuppaBrew on Twitter. "Anyone cited James Graham's try yet?" asked Mr Brew. "It looked like a barge but you can never be sure". You cannot, young sir, and both your vigilance and concern are to be admired, but a thorough review of the footage shows there's nothing to worry about here. Keep up the good work though.

Serial offender Craig Huby (Castleford) has been keeping his nose clean so far this season, but his reputation precedes him these days. He scored in a home win over the Catalan Dragons at the weekend which we were alerted to by @rickywilby on the Twitter, but it was from all of a foot and a half, so he's OK on that front. More disturbing was him taking a goal-line dropout which @W_L_Andy mentions. That's a more serious matter, but rather than a fine, he gets a warning letter as he donated his man of the match money to the charity dinner taking place tonight. That sort of thing should be encouraged.

Daily Mail scribbler Neil Barraclough has also been in touch with a couple of incidents. He cites veteran member Richard Moore (North Wales) for not only wearing green boots, but also putting in a grubber kick - left-footed, just to compound the incident - and tracking back 40 metres to knock a winger into touch. Where does one start? Frankly, the man should know better and a fine is the only action you can expect us to take. Cheque or cash, Mr Moore, you know the drill.

Mr Barraclough was one of a number of people to bring the situation at Leeds to our attention. They've a whole host of PFU stalwarts missing in action and have called up some reservists. We've not sent off a bunch of temporary memberships that size in some time. The one registered member was young Brad Singleton who rocked up in white boots for his Super League debut. What are they teaching him over in LS6? Taking money off a 17-year old feels like taking candy from a baby, but that's fun too, so a letter detailing how he can pay his fine is on it's way. We had a lengthy letter about this too, reprinted here:

"Evening squire. Want an update on footwear breaches at Hedley?

Given Leeds had "no fit props" (if that's not an oxymoron - by rights, there should be no such thing as a fit prop), there's still no excuse for temporary members James Jones-Buchanan (openside) and Ian Kirke (blindside) to be wearing the abominations they were wearing. Kirke was in (shudder) white, while Jones was sporting a red & white flashy number more befitting of a cheeky halfback. To compound this egregious error, he clearly forgot his role and scored a try. In his defence, all the hard work for the score had been done by a fullback...

Credit, though to young Jay Pitts, an early replacement for Kirke, who was sporting the traditional black. While front row may not be his usual position, he's clearly made of the Right Stuff. Good lad.

However, a black mark for the only recognised member of the Union among the matchday 17: Young Brad Singleton. Heralded as the 50th graduate of the Leeds Academy, his tutors clearly need a stern talking to. I don't know what they're teaching them at Kirkstall these days, but his white boots will have earned him a fine on his debut. A most inauspicious introduction to the Union, Singleton. Sort it out, boy.

However, perhaps the most worrying aspect of the result was that Leeds won the game comfortably with no recognised senior prop, thereby completely devaluing the Ancient and Noble Art. For undermining the Fine Traditions, they surely must face a charge of bringing the game into disrepute."

All valid points and we thank our mystery correspondent for his (or her) interest. Regarding the charge of bringing prop forwardry into dispute, that is a serious thing. We need to discuss this properly before making such a decision.

On the flip side for Leeds, a belated congratulations to Ben Cross for planting one on a cheeky half-back at Warrington while kudos also to Ray Cashmere (Salford) for wading in with his fists, although we need a look at his footwear. One report suggested they were silvery. The entire Bradford contingent looked splendid in black boots on Sunday at Huddersfield and the Chairman nearly had a fit the other day when skimming over the newspapers and saw this headline in the Huddersfield local rag. He was halfway out the door chuntering something about "murdering that bald mug in London" before the Treasurer could point out his error.


Thanks to all contributors for their vigilance this week. We do need your input to maintain the Fine Traditions. We also want nominees for the Hall of Fame, so don't be shy and if you fancy scribbling a few lines by way of citation for Hall of Famers, we're also interested. Leave us a comment or mither the Chairman on his Twitter feed, @PFUChairman

World Club Challenge fallout

Melbourne were the visitors to British shores for the World Club Challenge and not only did the British side lose, PFU members let themselves down. We received two reports regarding members of the Leeds chapter, both related to biff incidents. Needless to say, dishing out knuckle is a fundamental aspect of prop forwardry. It was therefore a major disappointment to see two distinguised proponents of the art completely bottle out of it when the fists started flying.

Ryan Bailey is fined for not chucking any punch worthy of the name, despite being in perfect position to do so.
Jamie Peacock was subbed off as the biff began and failed to come charging off the bench to get involved. He escapes a fine due to his previous good record of cracking Australian skulls, but is issued a written warning.

Elsewhere, we welcome back Craig Huby to the disciplinary committee. We're starting to worry. Perhaps Mr Huby has been kicked out of home and now continually resides at PFU Towers. If we thought counselling wasn't complete and utter mumbo jumbo, we'd consider sending him. Instead, we've yet again to issue a fine for yet another kick to the corner. It's not as severe as he was let off the hook by a sympathetic team-mate who failed to score.

Mitchell Stringer seems to have taken up goal-kicking, much to the chairmanships chagrin. Compounding it with a three-from-three record only makes things worse and he's duly fined - the Dickens Rule.

We don't want to end on a sour note, so we finish with a commendations for James Graham for putting in the full 80 on Friday night and Adrian Morley who smacked another playmaker round the chops - Brett Hodgson on the receiving end this week.

Mr Alex Ferguson supports PFU boot policy

Been a pretty quiet weekend for the Union, but there have been some notable and disgraceful exceptions. First up is Mr Nicholas Scruton of the Bradford chapter. We appreciate that sometimes members are needed to score tries but it need to be done in the correct manner. To take the ball over 10 meters away from the line, sidestep and spin out of attempted tackles to bag said try is not acceptable conduct from a member of the union. There are two saving graces for Mr Scruton: a) the fact that the Castleford defenders clearly had better things to do than attempt a tackle worthy of the name and b) the traditional headware which he sported during the game. A fine example to younger members.

It has brought to out attention that Mr Craig Huby of the Castleford chapter has again bought shame and disrepute to the Union with his antics during the game on Friday night. Not happy with the level three kicking charge incurred the other week he compounded this by kicking the ball from hand, in a crossfield manner to create a try for a cheeky winger. We will be asking Mr Huby for a further significant donation to Union funds. There has also been a proposal for Mr Huby to be excluded from the Union but the way the lad is funding us at the moment it has been put on hold for now.

The Union is currently undertaking an investigation into claims that members were spotted at an event at Batley Variety club the other night. It is alleged that certain members were entertaining a large crowd with singing and dancing on stage. We are yet to confirm all members involved but the fingers are pointing at the previously mentioned Mr Scruton plus members from the Leeds, Hull (West) and Warrington chapters. There is also an allegation that some of the PFU Youth section are involved as well.

We note with interest with the comments made today by the manager of Manchester United Football Club, Mr Alex Ferguson, regarding footwear. He has stated that members of the youth team are not permitted to wear any colour boots other than black. We would like to remind members that the PFU operate a similar policy and any member found breaching this regulation will be asked to make a trip to explain their actions to the committee.

The committee would also like to express their delight at the tackle by Mr Adrian Morley on some fancy dan second rower at the weekend. Bought a tear to the Hon. Secretary's eye it did.

We would also like to repeat our appeal from weekend due to receiving minimal feedback. For any citings or sightings please leave a comment on here or contact the Chairman via Twitter.

And Burgess, we're watching you lad.